An Excerpt

Dear Journal,

Life here is great. I am king in my world, and my world is good. My servant, I mean my mom, is especially proud of me this week. I have been a great helper and she really appreciates it.

For example, one morning this week I was super bored. Usually my buddy Jace comes over and we go on a walk and play all day long, but on this day that didn't happen. I think my mom told me it was for some unimportant reason like she had to go shopping for food to feed 350 Relief Society sisters during a broadcast thing she was on the committee for...I don't know, I wasn't really listening. I mean, she talks ALL the time. A guy can only listen for so long. I really miss my dad at times like this.

So anyway, she was super busy trying to get ready to go and I just thought I would help her out a little. First I tried to help her pick out which clothes she should wear, but she must not have liked any of the ten different shirts I pulled off the hangers and threw on the floor, because she just picked them back up. After that I noticed she was about to get in the shower and I thought she might get lonely in there all by herself. She didn't even have any bath toys to play with! So I tried to help by screaming, crying, yelling, and banging constantly on the door until it opened while she had shampoo in her eyes and couldn't see to close it. My mom was so happy about that she let me create my own indoor slip-'n-slide from all the water that got on the floor. It was pretty cool until I fell on my face really hard and mom had to cut her shower short to come help me.

Good thing I am a fast recoverer. My mom needed me! First we cleaned up the slip-'n-slide. My mom used a towel and I used an entire roll of toilet paper. Then I kept her company by whining incessantly as she dressed and did her hair and makeup. It was probably the best, most longest series of whining I have ever done. I was pretty proud. I also went the extra mile by re-organizing her bathroom drawers without even being asked. What would she do without me?

Breakfast is my favorite time of day. Actually, every meal is my favorite time of day because I get to show my mom what a great multitasker I am. I mean, how many eighteen-month-olds do you know who can simultaneously eat their food with one hand, and crush food and throw it with the other? That takes skill. Usually after I show this talent off to my mom she rewards me by playing a fun game she calls "Pick it up NOW!" and then putting me in these super great things she calls "timeouts." It's awesome! I love my crib! I love being with myself! That's the great thing about me. When it comes to discipline, I am a bowl of jelly. Do what you may, I will always go right back to my original form. My mom really appreciates the challenge this presents her. I wouldn't want her to get too bored.

So then things got even more fun. After we played the game "Howl Like a Demon in the Tub" and had a good old-fashioned wrestling match as my mom tried to get me dressed, the phone rang and she said she had to answer it. I guess it was somebody important because she was on the phone for-eve-ver!!! I mean, at least five minutes. I was super bored, so I decided to conduct my own experiment. The water on the bathroom floor was pretty cool, I thought. So what would happen if I climbed up on the kitchen table and then poured out an entire water bottle onto the freshly mopped kitchen floor?

Genius! My mom was so ecstatic by this point in the morning that when she came running in to see my performance, instead of a standing ovation at the end she gave me something even better. My mom very calmly walked into our pantry, shut the door, and then all I heard was a loud series of screaming and banging. I mean, she was going nuts in there! It was easily my proudest moment. When she came out she let me spend a lot of time in my crib, just how I like it, while she got everything else ready to go.

Later that day I would interrupt several stake leaders during important meetings, run like a crazy person through Sam's Club, and play the church piano with my feet.

What a great day!

Tonight I think I will surprise my mom by getting eight new molars at two o' clock in the morning. Maybe we will even have a party and stay up all night long celebrating this new accomplishment. I mean, she really deserves it.

And the best news is, I'm not even two yet! My mom is so lucky.

Well, time to climb into the bathroom sink and turn the hot water on my new shoes until I scream bloody murder. See you tomorrow, Journal!

-Bennett