Mental Health Vacation(s)

Remember two weeks ago when I wrote about Bennett being an absolute monster because he was sick? That week I learned a very important lesson about myself--I have the ability to completely lose it when pushed hard enough, long enough, and when in a state of semi-sickness and pure exhaustion.

Bennett destroyed his mother.

I can usually handle pretty much anything thrown at me (so far), but the end of that week found me sitting in front of my computer screen husband, crying my eyes out over nothing and telling Matt that he should consider himself lucky to be in a war zone because I would trade him places in a second. Anybody who knows me knows that I am at my most sensitive when, 1-I don't feel good. 2-I need to eat. 3-I haven't gotten enough sleep (which for me is in the 9-11 hour range). And guess which of these wonderful traits our son inherited from his mother?...all of them. The two of us being sick together and not having any food in the house (because with both of us sick there was no way we were going to make it to the grocery store and back in one piece), and not sleeping well at nights is what I would like to call, "The Perfect Storm."

And what made it worse was that there was no end in sight. There was no hope of somebody coming home to take Bennett after a loooooong day of whining. Nobody to wake up with Bennett at night so I could get some rest. Nobody to go to the store to buy us some much needed groceries. There was just me. Alone. Forever. And in the end, it just really got to me and I started into this downward spiral of self-destruction and near child abuse.

OK, let me just pause my story right here to say that, as horrible as this one week was, Bennett and I really are doing just fine. I am sure that every mother has days and weeks like the one just described, husband or not. And even though my husband is temporarily gone, I do have a fantastic support system here who would have taken Bennett from me in a minute, or gone to the store for us, or done anything else I had asked them to do. I just didn't want to ask them to do any of those things because that would mean I was admitting weakness. (Wow. Prideful, right?) Plus, most of the people I know right now are in the exact same situation as myself, only with multiple children, and it didn't seem fair to ask them to take one more because I was having a "moment".

So after I tearfully sobbed all of these frustrations out to my wonderful husband, Matt (who has always taken care of us in sickness or health or year-long deployments), took it upon himself to find a way to give me a break.

That's right. My husband arranged a babysitter for Bennett from Iraq.

Monday morning of last week I dropped Bennett off at his Oma's house (a very sweet German grandma in our ward who has adopted Bennett as her grandson, and who we love), and made a clean getaway to Target, Toys R Us, Wal Mart, and Dairy Queen, where I therapeutically spent way too much money and thoroughly enjoyed it. By the time I picked Bennett up I was a new woman, ready to take on anything again and do it with a smile. And Bennett, who had had a wonderful time being away from his crazy mother for an afternoon, was happy to see me. And we were both back to our normal selves again.

Back to health for both of us. Back to the grocery store for food. Back to sleeping a normal amount of hours per night. Back to Bennett being my "Joy Baby" again, and appreciating what a good little guy we really do have. Bennett is so easy to love when he's not being a juvenile delinquent.

But apparently Matt hadn't just called a babysitter that weekend. Because a few days later Bennett's Maimie called to say that we were visiting her and Pop in San Antonio, and that I was not allowed to see Bennett for at least one day of our three-day stay. No questions asked.

Although by this point we really were back on our feet, it was still soooo wonderful to have Mary and Wayne pamper me with excellent food, long showers, and a Bennett-free afternoon while I shopped at seven different stores, crafted an incredibly cute Easter decoration, and ate at The Olive Garden with Bekah. Bennett also had a fantastic time with his Maimie and Pop, going shopping for new adorable clothes, eating a picnic lunch, and playing at "Maimie's Park."

That night I called Bennett before he went to bed to see how his day was, and this is the conversation we had. I just had to write it down because since I am always with Bennett, there is never a need to talk to him on the phone. This is the first unassisted conversation we've ever had together.

Me: "Hi, Buddy! How are you?"
Bennett: "Hi, Momma!"

Me: "Did you have fun with Maimie?"

Bennett: "....." (silence)
Me: "Did you go down the slide, and play on the swings?"
Bennett: "Ya! Side! Aun ann-na-ma doo SING!" (something about the swing)
Me: "Good! Are you getting ready to go night-night now?"
Bennett: "Where Maimie dough?"
Me: "Maimie is right there with you, Sweetie."
Bennett: "Oh. Where Mommy dough?"
Me: "I'm playing with Aunt Bea, remember?"
Bennett: "...Where Aunt Bea dough?"
Me: "We're at her house."
Bennett: "Oh."
Me: "OK, well you sleep good, OK? I love you!"
Bennett: "Au LAAA you!" (I love you!)
Me: "Night-night."
Bennett: "Ni-ni!"
Me: "Bye-bye, Bennett!"
Bennett: "Bye-bye, Mommy!"

When did this boy get big enough to have entire conversations over the phone?! Granted, his father is a phone right now, so I'm sure that is helping his communication skills, but still...

The time I spent together with Mary and Wayne (and Bekah and Nathan. And Joe and Kim.) was filled with delicious adult conversation where I didn't have to remind anybody to say "please" or "thank you" once. And Mary demonstrated again how lucky I am to have such a wonderful mother-in-law who can sew like it is her calling in life. All in all, it was a fabulous break in our week and in our lives, as well as a much-needed one.

These pictures were actually taken last Saturday, after we got "back on our feet." Around here, that means we watched Saturday morning cartoons in my bed, ate chocolate chip and pecan pancakes, and didn't change out of our pajamas until late afternoon. Here's Bennett helping me make the pancakes. He has suddenly taken a great interest in cooking and his new thing now is that he wants to "see" everything that is going on. If I am ever making anything in the kitchen, you can bet that Bennett will be on his little step stool right next to me.

Watching Micky Mouse Clubhouse in bed. We are both very into this show. Extremely educational.

Me and Bekah after our wonderful lunch at The Olive Garden. I love The Olive Garden, but since it is not "real food" in Matt's book, we rarely get to eat there. It was fun to be with Bekah, who appreciates the fine taste of Italian food as much as myself.

The beginning of our craft project. Bekah had this all planned out before I ever got here, but over the course of the day our project kept making unexpected twists and turns as we slowly adapted the original idea to something completely different. I personally think that what we ended up with was way cuter than the first idea anyway.

Ta-da! Easter wreaths! These are so stinkin' cute! Although my hands will never be the same again from all the modgepodging I had to do, it was well worth it.

My wreath hanging in our entry hall. I absolutely love it.

Bennett, eating his picnic lunch with his Maimie.

Playing in "Maimie's Park"

And now, on to the main attraction. You may remember me saying that we were working on creating a bedspread for Bennett out of the crib skirt I dug out of my neighbors' garbage. Well, it turns out that if you give Bennett's Maimie a project, it gets done whether you are there to help with it or not.

This, my friends, is the adorable little bedspread and pillow sham that Maimie made for Bennett's big boy room. I think I am in love. Thank you so much!!

I actually purchased this valance for the window (the only thing I had to buy in this entire room) but it was a whole panel too long. So what does Mary do? She cuts off the panel, sews the soccer ball applique over the extra star, and Voila! A perfect little valance. To have such skill...

And where did that extra panel go from the window valance? Into a cute little wall hanger (or door hanger, in this case) that matches the ones over Bennett's bed.

So here is Bennett's room, all ready for him to move into. Now all he has to do is realize that his mom is totally lying to him when she tells him that if he tries to climb out of his crib he will fall and both of his arms will pop off. (Hey, as long as I can legitimately keep him in a cage and not have it be called child abuse, I'm going to.) Thank you, Maimie and Pop, we love you!!!