Mommy and Bennett

tonight I tried to slip quietly into Bennett's room
while he was asleep
to put away a few items that were left out from our day of playing
but he woke up and saw me
and he smiled
because Bennett always wakes up with a smile
and in his tired little voice he asked,
"Mommy cuddle cuddle with Bennett?"

how could I say no?

so we laid on the bed together
Mommy and Bennett
and I stroked his arm
and listened to his heavy, even breathing
and thought of the last year
of how often I had wished time away
that it would go faster
that the end would come sooner
and suddenly I realized
we had made it
the end finally is here
and as excited as I am for all of the happy things that will happen
for our Mattie coming home
and our family (hopefully) growing larger
I will miss this year

I will miss being Bennett's whole world
I will miss being his everything
nobody but us two
dependent upon each other
Mommy and Bennett
for one year I had the privilege
of playing two roles
and it was such a blessing
because as much as our little boy has needed me
to care for him
to play with him
to teach him
I have needed him
to love me
to remind me that I have divine purpose
to give me reason to wake up in the morning
(and several reasons to go to bed at night) :)
to make me better

so much better

and we two
so inseparably connected
will grow and change in the near future
to become older
to become greater
to become more
because life is such a happy thing
always moving forward to the next adventure

but for now
we will lay together
Mommy and Bennett
and the time I have so selfishly wished away
I suddenly want to freeze