Is This What A Nervous Breakdown Feels Like..?

When Adam and Eve partook of the fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil, God cast them out of the Garden of Eden into the Lone and Dreary World. The Earth was cursed for their sake, and by the sweat of his brow Adam would have to work all the days of his life. Instead of producing fruits and flowers spontaneously, the ground produced briers, thistles, and noxious weeds. The sun was hot. The ground was dry. The bugs and creeping things that creepeth were abundant. And upon finding themselves in the Lone and Dreary World, Adam turned to Eve and said, "Way to go. Now we have to live in Texas."

This is what kept going through my head this week as I spent literally hours in my yard, taking back what was once mine. Seriously, I have probably logged (not exaggerating) close to 37 hours over the last two weeks in the fight for my lawn. The backyard is done and looks amazing. The front yard will be done on Thursday, at which point I will only need to mow, weed eat, edge, water, and regularly fertilize to maintain my masterpiece throughout the summer months.

Weeds are the enemy. Not really weeds, like the kind you think of when you think of weeds. More like, grasses of various sorts that have taken root and are spreading like wildfire. I have no idea what the actual names of these grasses are, but I have come to know them well, and precisely how long each patch will take to remove.

Clover: 7-10 minutes for each patch, pliers needed.
Carrot Grass (obviously my own name): 4 minutes for each patch, depending on the size.
Thistles: Only a few seconds required, but they can be very painful seconds. Pliers needed.
Basic Weeds: Only a few seconds. I love basic weeds.
Spider Grass (another very scientific name): 10-12 minutes for each patch, pliers needed.
Crab Grass: 2-3 minutes needed for each patch, depending on size and root depth. Beware of fire aunts, who enjoy making their homes under these roots.

On Monday I thought I could multitask while doing this project. Wearing a swimming suit while weeding is a wonderful way to get a tan and a great looking yard at the same time. Monday night found my back the color of a very ripe tomato. Tuesday I decided to fore go the swimming suit, and opted for a pair of shorts and a short sleeved shirt. Tuesday night found my legs and arms the color of very ripe tomatoes. Wednesday, I wore capris and a quarter-length shirt. Wednesday night I had ankles the color of a very ripe tomato, and a neck the color of a very ripe plum.

Thursday I wore jeans and a sweatshirt with a hood.

In the end I have developed severe pain in my left thumb and lower back, a sunburn of the third degree which blistered, popped, and peeled (not pretty), near sun stroke from the jacket and jeans in almost 100 degree weather, a plethora of bug bites across my body, and several large blisters on my right thumb and pointer finger.

And you know what?
I really love this yard stuff.

People tell me it's not worth it. They tell me to just mow over it. They tell me to spray it with chemicals. They tell me to hire a company to do it for me. They tell me it's just going to grow back. And I know they're right. But I can't stop. Not now. I don't know why, or how, but this project has taken on a life of it's own to the point where I have to finish this, and I have to finish it the way I started it--on my hand and knees, going up one strip and down the other until every, single invader of our perfect lawn is destroyed.

It's personal now, weeds. You are going down.
Along with a certain amount of my sanity.

But our yard is going to look great. You just wait...